For my first movie review I chose something with a very simple plot. Something that is so blatantly laid out that it will be easy for people to understand my review.This is especially important because I did not watch the entire movie. I was passing in and out of sleep during the film and I haven’t seen the three prequels to Fast & Furious. I have seen other Vin Diesel movies; and they are pretty much all related to each other. Dominic, Richard, and Xander are the same character in emotion, facial expressions, personality, and hair length.

In this particular film Vin Diesel’s goal is to kill Mr T. Apparently Mr T killed Vin’s latina lover; Vin finds this out through a flashback very early in the film. This isn’t a true flashback of course, because Vin  was in Mexico hiding from the law when it happened. A drug induced hallucination is more likely the reason he thinks Mr T killed her. From this quick description you can infer what the rest of the plot is; the standard vengeance story.

What you won’t be able to figure out is why the FBI never think to check Vin’s sisters (his only family) house to see if he is visiting during the funeral. Did I mention that his sister in this film is Hispanic — for those of you unfamiliar Vin Diesel is mighty white. There are several other points that you have to avoid thinking too hard about, but we can leave plot holes in the background of an action movie.

As expected there are many fast car chase action sequences. Unfortunately they are usually more car then chase. All the camera shots are closeups of the cars body and rarely does it pan out enough to see a road underneath. I have a notion that the car is just sitting there — with Vin making car noises inside. The action sequences may be hazardous to people with epilepsy as they flicker incessantly due to the scene being cut every few seconds. I would like to attribute this to bad camera work, but I have a suspicion that Vin could not get through more than three words before fucking something up — two words if one of them is over three syllables.

Putting the awful story, plot holes, implausible story lines, predictable speaking lines, poor camera work, and horrendous acting aside this was still a terrible movie. Don’t watch it — ever.